10 Things I've Learned From My Ex's

Don't wait for them to end it.
You don't feel the spark anymore. And you're afraid of hurting their feelings. Don't be. In the long run, it hurts both of you more, if you fake caring. And from personal experience, it makes you feel like a horrible person when they find out that you've been faking for a couple months now. So breaking up with them may hurt their feelings, but it's okay, they'll get new ones. If you really care about them, you should know they deserve better than that.

You shouldn't have to ask for respect.
They grope you in public. Make fun of you about things that they know bothers you. Their friends treat you like crap and bad mouth you, and they don't defend you. They go on rants where they point out every little flaw about you. Seriously, I don't know why I didn't stand up for myself in all these situations. I won't be making that mistake again. You shouldn't have to demand respect. If your partner cares about you, they are going to want you to feel good about yourself. It's one thing when they call you goofy looking every once in a while. That's joking. But when they call you mean names, so often that you start to wonder if they are serious, they don't respect you. I have an ex who used to constantly grab at me and try to make out, in front of everyone. It made me feel like trash. Another would go on about everything that he thought I needed to change about myself. He would be so cruel about it and then tell me he was only being mean, because he cared. Yeah, right! Kick them to the curb. You deserve someone who thinks the world of you. Someone who cares about how you feel. If they are treating you like that, then they have some serious inadequacy issues to deal with.

You just had sex. Don't expect them to love you for it.
First off, don't have sex if you don't feel ready. Oh, how I wish I could take that back. I was a Sophomore, and he was a Senior. When he took me home, I accidentally let "I love you.", slip out. Ugh! Talk about embarrassing! The next day, he wouldn't even talk to me at school. When I walked up to him, he acted like the entire 3 months of our relationship, had never happened. Then, he broke up with me. In a note. It gets better. In a note, that he handed to his friend, who walked it over to me. Even his friend apologized for how much of a jerk he was. He then went and bragged to everyone that he took my "V Card". I didn't even know what that meant. Someone walked up to me and asked in front of everyone. It makes me feel dumb, that it took several boyfriends, before I admitted this to myself. Sex does not equal love. If they don't want to leave the bedroom, they only want you for sex anyway. (This goes back to the whole 'respect' thing.) So hold out. You'll find the 'keepers', if you wait until your ready. The ones who are willing to wait, are the ones who will be worth it. I'm not talking wait a couple weeks or months either. There will be some guys that will say they will wait for you, then keep asking if you're ready yet. Dump them. (:

Don't date friends.
I guess this would be considered pity dating as well. You have a friend that you love, as a friend. They want to take things up a level. If you aren't feeling the romantic chemistry, do not do it. It's a good way to end a friendship that was worth keeping. When this happened to me, he showed up the next day with roses, chocolates, and I love you's. Then, he was all depressed because I wouldn't say 'I love you' back. It was very awkward.

Date someone with goals.
If they don't have any goals more important than, "Find a way to afford booze for this weekend" you shouldn't even bother. If they don't care about taking care of themselves, then how are they going to take care of you? You want someone who you can rely on.

Don't expect them to change for you.
They won't. I dated a guy that I had been best friends with for a year. We did everything together. And he always bad mouthed his ex's. He made fun of them for still caring. Even after we started dating, he would make a game of playing with their heads. He'd text them, sweet talk them and say he wanted to hang out with them. Then laugh, when they text back asking where he was. I thought he'd be different with me. No such luck. The day after we broke up, he was already at it. Asking if I would come hang out with him. Thank Baby Jesus, I knew what he was up to. Turns out he was just asking me to hang out, so he could see if I would do it. Jerk!

Liar, Liar...
When he lies about stupid little things, chances are he's lying about a lot more than you think. Don't be fooled by his charm. I dated a guy for about 3 years. I moved in with him. I would catch him lying about little things. They were completely irrelevant lies. Turns out, he'd been cheating on me with his ex for a long time. All our friends knew, too. That was the worst part.

Snoopers
You lay your purse down, and he feels the need to go through it when you turn your back. Or maybe, you leave your laptop at his house, and he takes it upon himself to go through everything on it. Hidden files and all. Yep, happened to me. I kept a diary on my laptop, but I kept the files hidden. I mean, it is a dairy, after all. Suddenly, he starts quoting things he read, without realizing that he was doing it. Oh, I lost it. His excuse was that he wanted to read the book I'm writing, and stumbled upon the diary entrees. "Well I saw my name, so I had to read it." I don't think so. He had to have gone through some setting changes to even view them. He thought I was dumb. Makes me frustrated all over again. Especially considering that he would randomly accuse me of snooping through his things. I'd like to put it on the record, that I never did. These guys have some serious trust issues. It's probably a good idea to split, at least until they can figure out those issues.

Don't lose yourself.
When guys start asking you to change things about yourself that you love, ask yourself if they're really worth it. I've had a guy tell me that he would love me if I was different. I've even had one tell me that I need to get new friends, because the friends I have are stupid and he doesn't like me hanging out with them. No one is asking him to hang out with them. You like your style, he tells you to change it. You wear your makeup a certain way, he says it makes you look ugly. You like your music, change that too. Don't like things just because he does. If he really wants you to conform to everything he likes, then he already has a love of his life. That would be, Himself.

Don't settle.
If you ever start thinking that you could do better than the relationship you have. Take a break at least. It may just be that you haven't had the chance to miss them lately. And don't stay in a bad relationship, just because you are afraid that you won't do better. If someone is treating you wrong, chances are that there is someone out there who will treat you better. You can stay unhappy, with a man that treats you poorly. You can break it off and be happy taking care of yourself. or, you can break it off, and chance finding someone better for you.